


Champion x and x Servant

by GuardianDreamer



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crushes, Introspection, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianDreamer/pseuds/GuardianDreamer
Summary: Killua muses over the adventures that he's gone on with Gon, thinking about the ways in which he's impacted him personally without even realizing it. Contains spoilers up until the end of the 2011 anime.





	Champion x and x Servant

In the world that Killua Zoldyck knew, most people were like him. Servants of darkness, varying in skill and martial prowess, but all united under the same drive to attain greater strength and live in the shadows, only ever stepping out once their interest was sufficiently piqued by someone else of greater strength. A family of assassins was unlike any other. Certainly, there was a twisted sort of affection shared between them, but most of Killua’s relationships with his family would come across as cruel mockeries of what a family was supposed to be. The only exception to the rule was treated like the Zoldyck family’s greatest and most private secret for reasons that Killua had dutifully pretended to accept for most of his life, a feigned acceptance that had ended only a short while ago in order to seek the help of someone he cherished for the sake of someone else who he also cherished dearly. One of the very few people who walked the thin line between light and darkness, somehow carrying both in her heart. Yes, now that he thought about it, it was likely because of Alluka that Killua was able to recognize a similar light in Gon Freecs.

What was strange about Gon was that he was a paradoxical enigma. A champion of light shouldn’t have had any similarities to a servant of darkness, and yet a friendship quickly formed between them. Considering he had entered the Hunter Exam to find strong people to fight, he had been rather disappointed by most of the fighters. Most of them seemed utterly boring to him, failing to stand out in any way that had interested him. There were a few exceptions, of course. His own brother had appeared to take the exam, something that Killua would never forget. And among those who had made it to the finals, there were certainly those with potential. But while most looked at someone like Hisoka as the true greatest threat, Killua was more focused on observing the growth of someone else he had met. The boy in green who had called himself Gon and who seemed so completely out of place among the competitors. He wasn’t a skilled warrior from a faraway land, nor was he a trained assassin. He didn’t have mysterious goals like Kurapika. Even someone like Leorio, who had taken the Exam purely out of desperation to acquire the funds to become a doctor seemed much more fitting to be there.

To put it another way, Gon had quite possibly the purest motive for taking the Hunter exam: He wanted to find his father, yes, but he also seemed to be the only one taking the exam just for the sake of being a Hunter, rather than any of the benefits that came with the title or to prove his own strength. Compared to Killua’s own goal of looking for strong challengers to have a fun fight with, the difference was like night and day.

He wasn’t sure when he started paying much closer attention to Gon. The interest had certainly always been there, but he couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment. But if he was forced to choose just one, then he would reluctantly answer by thinking back to the ninja named Hanzo, and his fight against Gon.

Well, calling it a fight was a bit disingenuous. Perhaps it was better to call it a clash of wills? Certainly, Gon was hopelessly outmatched by Hanzo. And yet Gon was eventually declared the winner. It was at that point that Killua realized something: a champion of light could be far more terrifying than a servant of darkness, at least in some respects. Killua himself had gone the complete opposite route by surrendering when faced with an opponent that struck fear into his heart and who he was convinced he had no chance of defeating. But Gon? Gon was prepared to win, no matter what. He had presented Hanzo with an ultimatum: Gon would either win through Hanzo’s surrender, or he would win by Hanzo getting himself disqualified after killing Gon. A master ninja like Hanzo surely would have been able to see through him if it was a bluff. So it was telling that Hanzo had reluctantly decided to forfeit. To Hanzo, that had likely just been a small incident for him, an example of a much younger opponent simply being too stubborn for his own good. But to Killua, it seemed like so much more.

From that moment on, Killua had realized something: Gon Freecs was, in at least one way, more terrifying than even the Zoldyck family. It felt ridiculous to think that when he saw Gon smiling brightly and eagerly eating fish while chatting with Kurapika and Leorio. But it was that contrast precisely that Killua found so interesting. Unlike most people that Killua had sensed a similar ‘light’ from, Gon had a vicious side to him that seemed so far removed from what he had expected. It wasn’t that Gon was lesser than them in any way. No, it was the opposite. Gon so wholly embodied Killua’s ideal of what light was supposed to be that he was terrifying in his single-minded pursuit of his goals. Terrifying when he legitimately wanted to hurt someone who he felt had wronged him or his friends.

And yet, while that sounded like Killua was judging Gon harshly, he was actually relieved, in some way. It was only with the benefit of hindsight that he grew to realize that, but he genuinely felt a stronger connection to Gon after seeing how harsh he could be. Because it reminded Killua of himself. And it made it seem like Gon’s kindness was something that Killua himself could embody as well. Perhaps the light and darkness weren’t polar opposites like he had once thought, but rather complementary.

There were numerous subtler revelations across their many adventures, of course. But Killua felt like if he tried to recall them all, he would only discover more and more, new ways to view the past that matched the present that he now lived in. Instead, he decided to think back to a far more recent event, one that was hardly any time ago at all: Gon waking up and smiling again, when there was ample reason to believe that he would never be able to do either.

On a related note, he had to thank Alluka for making him realize something. Well, she had helped him realize many things, but one of the most important was confirming an idea that had been building up in his mind over time that he had failed to put to words in the past: light and darkness could co-exist. In many ways, it was far stranger for them not to. He should have known that when he was easily able to befriend Gon despite the vastly different worlds that they had come from. And while he treasured Gon’s friendship deeply, he had realized something, at some point. His fascination with Gon as a champion of light had turned into an infatuation that he had failed to properly word.

It was easiest to think that it had fully dawned on him when Gon had woken up. When he saw that bright smile that he had learned to treasure so much. While he had never said it out loud, Killua had a quiet and selfish fear that he couldn’t rationalize. Namely, what if his interest in Gon had only been for his skills as a warrior? That was rather shallow, wasn’t it? For someone with limited experiences of true affection for most of his life, Killua had felt like his fears were well-founded. And yet, when Gon had woken up, entirely unable to use Nen from that point on… Killua’s feelings had only grown stronger. Yes, he could confidently say to himself that he loved Gon. One day, he would do his best to explain everything to him. Perhaps all of this thinking was simply preparation for the day when he would.

But for now, Killua simply smiled and continued to run around. Because that day would come, but it wasn’t this day. On this day, he was spending time with Gon and Alluka, having fun with them both and talking about meaningless things that, paradoxically, would be treasured by all three of them forever. He couldn’t guess what Gon’s conversation with Ging would be like, but he was confident that Gon would find a way to surprise him, somehow. He always did, one way or another.

While Gon was excitedly talking about a memory that they could laugh at only in hindsight, Killua spoke up, a small smile gracing his features that seemed ill-suited for an assassin, but perfectly suited for a boy talking to his crush.

“Gon? Can I ask you something?”

“Hm? Sure!” Gon’s reply had been a simple one, and yet those two words carried a pure sort of joy that set him apart from the rest.

“Well, I was just thinking… Who do you think has saved the other more? I bet I won that contest too!” Killua’s words were deliberately teasing, setting up Gon for a friendly argument that he dutifully engaged in.

“What?! No way! I’ve helped you out way more times! … Wait, what do you mean by ‘too’?! Killua, answer me!” Gon’s words fell on deaf ears, as Killua had laughed at his predictable reaction. Alluka joining in only seemed to confuse Gon even more, until at last, he too joined in the laughter, as Killua thought that he would.

Maybe this was an argument that he would let Gon win.

He had truly saved him, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written as a gift for my friend Kiri's birthday, with the help of another friend (the friend who helped me goes by chocolatemisu on this site, I believe). This fic was a strange one for me to write because it's the first one I've written based on a property that isn't a visual novel. I wanted to explore Killua and Gon's relationship. Writing more from Killua's perspective felt more natural to me, so that's what I went with. Another oddity was not knowing what rating to give this fic considering the references to Killua's backstory, but I felt like there wasn't anything that pushed it beyond a G rating.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this. Considering how different this is from my usual fare, I'm happy with how it turned out.


End file.
